Dealing with empty streets in times of quarantine

Our home has always been this large open  house for people, friends and family to flow in and out. My brother and I didn't have our own rooms until last years of school and I ended up developing a weird habit of not being able to study in absolute silence. Even though I can only write when I shut myself in my room but only after spending considerable time in chaotic crowds. Growing up in a middle class family with parents who are like a couple on radar (inter regional/ intercaste marriage), you continue to be a part of this drill where we have to prove ourselves as a team. I wonder why people try so hard to prove their choices right. We are allowed to mistakes. Everyone should have that freedom. Allow yourself to unplug.

With no internet access for most of our early years of life (which I am really glad for) all we had were people to learn, laugh and grow with. All of the children from the colony would come together and we really couldn't chose our friends as independently as kids nowadays do. All we could care about was managing equal members in each team. I mean on a lighter note maybe that's why our generation is still struggling with setting up boundaries.

Everyone in my family have had a lot of friends. Our kitchen has always been blooming with so much of food brought and made by grandparents and their friends. Since both my parents were working, we spent all our afternoons and evening with grandparents. Nothing tastes better than coming home after school and gulping steaming hot rice and lots of potato curry. Honestly it was much better than weekend treats of Manchurian and fried rice. I still think my parents compensated with weekend treats to make up for the time they didn't get to spend with us. For years my mom made us miss schools on Saturdays until our principal figured out we are skipping Saturdays as a family routine. Fun times!

Social distancing is not a new concept to me because I have seen people unable to cut off from their screens, their fingers typing more words every passing minute and shrinking inwardly from every hand they should have held. I love people. I love their vulnerabilities. I love their naked eyes. I love escaping smiles. I love their voices and how it changes as they talk about different things that move them. We have been training ourselves voluntarily for these times. We are already mapping distance each day. Nowadays I just think we can give a reason supporting our isolation and even call it 'forced' much to our comfort.

The only time I go out is for my morning run. I am lucky to have a little forest area near my home. Lately I feel as I go deeper into the forest, I lose track of time and place. It's like I am running with air and often when I take out my earphones all I can really feel is sound of my breath and wind and this silence that exists and erase continuously. Juggling between full time college and work I didn't realize how much I missed watching the sky. All through my school my terrace has been my favorite space in the house where I used to spend a lot of time staring at the colony crush, rehearsing my school assembly speeches, crying, thinking about how it would be to live in Delhi, basically my planning space for all ambitions and heartbreaks.

So even though I see empty streets, I spend a lot of time just tuning in to younger aishwarya who is just happy to exist and still religiously indulges in world prayer every night before going to sleep. I think I am rewinding and unwinding. My friends are cooking, knitting, drawing and for once we are not insecure about running slower than anyone.

It's a good time to think if we can live in a home we built for ourselves. How hard it is to exist? Can you be offline with yourself?

If you are still reading thankyou for reading till the end. Please stay inside your homes. Write to me. Create art. 


© Aishwarya